grief journey

So you have probably figured out our son died. He died March 12, 1994 at the age of ten. And yes I know what you are likely thinking. How did he die? I will save that subject for another day. Today I want to focus on those things which triggered the traumatic memory all over again. It could be a birthday, or an anniversary. All these events will bring back memories of a past death. It’s the unusual events that I would like to address. We learned this principle very early in our grief journey.
                The funeral service was over and our daughter wanted to go home, there was support for her there, so our driver took her home. Little did we know a drama was about to unfold. Our neighbour noticed the funeral cars coming home and realized we were all making our way home, and there was quite a lot of us. It also was supper time, so she went down stairs to get some potatoes for her supper. Like all household accidents, it happened so innocently, she dropped one coming up the stairs stepped on it tripped and broke her hip. She did an amazing thing, she told her husband do not call the ambulance the Halls are coming home. He did not hear the “do not “part. Well in a small town this would become extremely dramatic. All the EMT staff and police staff who were on duty for our sons accident were on duty. I later would learn all of them were in shock as soon as the call came in. Our daughter had just gotten home and the sirens and lights were in full force, she would later say it was worse then when her brother died. She immediately started to hyperventilate, and it was all happening again. I later learned there were three nurses in the house at the time and she was fine.
                We arrived shortly after that. As we were coming home it became painfully obvious this was our new life. There was always going to be things which will bring us back to that tragic day our son died. And yes, still some 20 years later things so innocently can bring us back to that day. We have learned to call them Mathew moments. They are intense, they last a short time, yet they are a part of our lives. Sometimes they are hard to identify but usually not. When it happens we embrace it and give ourselves permission to express our pain.
                Grief anniversaries do happen, embrace them, let them remind you your loved one was once alive and so are you. I am going to wipe some tears away, and go live another day.